Partnership For a Drug Free Wayne County

I am the youngest of six children and I had a great childhood. My mom and I were extremely close. We talked about everything and hung out together in our free time. My friends all loved to come to my house because she was always the cool mom. I was always close with my dad too.

When I was 17, I found out that my mother was a substance abuser. I had been suspicious since about 14 and I’m still not exactly sure how long she has been using.

There were several smaller events in my life that clued me into what was going on. I remember hearing my parents fighting physically in the middle of the night. I even remember my dad leaving in the middle of the night to get away from my mom. I used to have to wake up in the morning and mom would be passed out on the floor somewhere and I’d have to clean up the mess from the night before.

When I was 18, my dad sat me down and told me that he couldn’t take the abuse from my mom anymore and that he was moving back to West Virginia, which is where we moved from. This hit my mom pretty hard and she went deeper into the drugs.

I came home one day from school early to find my mother passed out on the couch with a lit cigarette in her hand. She was supposed to be babysitting my 5 year old niece and my 2 year old nephew at the time. I found them in the kitchen, emptying drawers all over the floor. My nephew was crying and my mother didn’t even hear him. I called my sister to come get the kids and stayed with them until she got there. My sister packed the kids up, and put them in the car. She told my mom that this was the last time she would trust her to baby sit her kids.

As all true substance abusers do, my mother had to have someone else to blame. This was the first time the blame fell to me. She became very violent with me. She chased me around the house screaming at me and slapping me and telling me it was all my fault that she’d never see the kids again. I told her I was going to get clothes and spend the night at a friend’s house so she could get herself straightened out. She chased me up the stairs grabbing at my legs. Near the top, she missed and started to fall. I tried to catch her but couldn’t and she fell. She laid at the bottom of the steps crying and screaming that I pushed her. This was the first time I’d ever seen this side of my mother. I called my sister back to ask for her help. She told me that she’d seen my mother like this several times in the past and all I could do was leave. So, I packed some things and left.

After that day, I tried to talk to my sister about everything that happened. She wouldn’t tell me much except that it had been going on longer than I thought. She said that she wouldn’t tell me details because she wanted me to decide what to do for myself. She had decided that she was going to try the “tough love” route with her. She thought maybe distancing herself and her children from my mom might make her realize what she was giving up for her drugs. I also called my dad for advice and he said that I should follow with my sister. After I thought it through, I decided that maybe that was the best way to help her.

I went to my mom’s house after a week or so to get more of my things to find out that she had moved her drug dealer into her apartment. She’d packed my room into boxes already. So I took the boxes and left.

I am currently 26 years old and I haven’t really seen my mom since. Every once in a while, I’ll get a phone call from her asking to borrow money or a phone call from the hospital saying that she had overdosed and someone had dropped her off at the emergency room. I have two wonderful children, a six year old daughter and a 2 year old son, that my mother knows nothing about. She only knows that my daughter exists through a picture she saw of her once when she was 18 months old. She doesn’t know anything about my son. It breaks my heart everyday, not only because I miss my mom, but also to know what my kids are missing out on. I only wish my mom would think the same way.

If I could say one thing to a substance abuser, it would be to stop and think about the people who love you and how much you’re hurting them. If you have children, think of them. I can assure you that all they want is a parent who loves them. And if not for your children, think of your grandchildren, even if you don’t have them yet. Think of what they’ll have to say to their friends at school when they don’t have a grandparent to bring to school on Grandparent’s Day. It’s those little things that really matter.